The Struggle of Fear and Faith

Years ago, I read a book entitled Hinds' Feet on High Places. It is considered by many to be a Christian classic. Written by Hannah Hurnard, it is the story of Much-Afraid and her journey to follow her Shepherd to the High Places. Her companions on this journey are Sorrow and Suffering. Coming from the family of Fearings, she is often pursued and even tormented by members of her family all along her journey. It is a beautifully written allegory which spoke to me on a deep level. I have not read it in recent years, but the book came to mind again just this morning as I was reflecting on a certain situation we are facing right now.

At times, I feel like Much-Afraid, pursued by the Fearing family, stumbling along the path to the High Places, Sorrow and Suffering ever by my side. Much-Afraid is disfigured and feels unlovely, and yet the Shepherd loves her and tenderly guides her on her journey. She is broken, yet He cares for her and when she finally reaches the High Places, she is made whole.

After the loss of our baby, facing another pregnancy was a fearful experience. Yet the Lord of Love, my Shepherd, tenderly guided me through the steep and rocky path and has brought me such joy and healing through the gift of our Olivia's little brother.

Knowing His faithfulness in trials, trust and peace should come easily. Yet, I also know the very real truth that sometimes God's will is not how we in our humanness and frailty would wish it to be.

We are again facing unfamiliar and possibly very challenging territory in regards to our adoption. Adoption, and international adoption in particular, is by nature an unpredictable experience. There is significant cost in terms of both time and money. There is also a lot of waiting involved. Trusting God even when fear is close at hand is a conscious decision. Faith cannot be said to be trusting God in the absence of fear; rather it is, in the face of fear, trusting that God will bring you through the fear, the uncertainty, the pain that may be before you.

I have been very candid here is hopes of being an encouragement to others who may be struggling with fear right now. I can tell you from personal experience that the Lord is trustworthy. Face your fear with faith, believing that His will is perfect. I am at present attempting to take my own advice.

"We feel we would give anything if only we could, in actual experience, live on the High Places of love and victory here on this earth and during this life--able always to react to evil, tribulation, sorrow, pain, and every wrong thing in such a way that we would be overcome and transformed into something to the praise and glory of God forever. As Christians we know, in theory at least, that in the life of a child of God there are no second causes, that even the most unjust and cruel things, as well as all seemingly pointless and undeserved sufferings, have been permitted by God as a glorious opportunity for us to react to them in such a way that the Lord and Savior is able to produce in us, little by little , his own lovely character."  ~Hannah Hurnard, from the Preface of Hinds' Feet in High Places

~Kimberly